i donno how you put up with us but i'm glad you do. or maybe you also becoming more lim everyday

my boyfriend wants to break up with me on Jan 2.
i laugh at him.
he smiles. because he knows that we can't stay away from each other.

if this conversation happened a year, or even a couple of months back, i would have freaked out.

but now, my heart is ready to accept whatever happens.
because i have a faith in us.

sometimes i wonder, why my boyfriend so like that one? haha

falling asleep to music comes second, after raindrops.

my sleep playlist reccommendations:
1. john mayer - slow dancing in a burning room, belief (village sessions)
2. john mayer - gravity (ft. colbie kailan caillat, 2008/08/02 cynthia woods mitchell pavillion)
3. john mayer - stop this train (where the light is)
4. susie suh - give me hope
5. susie suh - light on my shoulder
6. a fine frenzy - almost lover
7. john brion - theme
8. sia - breathe me

when i'm not tired (i.e. fall asleep within 5 seconds of head touching pillow) i find it easier to fall asleep listening to songs/shows/rain than my thoughts.

i miss the sound of the rain on the awnings. donno how to spell. but the sillimuda house used to have. makes slight drizzles sound like thunderstorms.

going for brunch with classmate/cg member tmr. woohoo i have a social life.

sepiak for driving at night .. signs of getting old. sigh.

studio D
project 4ABCD
rationales
projecttasks
rationales
photograph past projects
printprintprint

studio E
project 2&4 reprint
rationales for 1,2,3,4
reprint 1
postcard & poster
research folder
print print print

studio F
thankiu jiejie

.. of spoon-feeding certain people.

especially when i like doing my stuff at the last possible minute .. it gets annoying when you're trying to make sense of everything in as short duration as possible, and then some people keeps asking how to do, or what must we do, or where to find certain info .. (info that i've provided them beforehand, or given them a clue where to look for)

pffft.

happiness is:

.going for mph warehouse sale
.catching up on gossip with the kawan
.finally getting complete results for last sem
.finally getting an A .. haven't had that in a long long time.
.knowing that the cheester will be back soon

*because i'm happy and i know it..

ADVERTORIAL

has anyone else noticed how (personal) blogging has become (cheap) advertising?

does anybody honestly believe that a dairy product is of such sentimental and life changing value!?

have i shown you my black suede flat boots?

i don't know what to do once it gets to hot to wear them. they're currently my comfiest pair of shoes.

so, i've got about almost 300 friends on facebook.

say half of them are overseas. that leaves 150.
say half of those are just random acquaintances. so that leaves 75.

out of 75, and yet, the whole weekend i am alone.

so pathetic.

but i like eating jagung.

19 days to go.
then i don't have to waste jagung and apam and fizzy coconut juice anymore.*

*went pasar malam just now and bought jagung, apam and coconut juice. and can't finish them because my pathetic stomach is too small. need a sister to help finish food.

evening during gym on fri:

trainer: "eh how old are you ah?"
me: "how old do you think i am?"
another trainer: "eighteen?"
me: "eighteen can lah"
trainer: "means what?"
me: "can lah, eighteen, i don't mind"
trainer: "then your sister? younger or older"
me: "younger"
trainer: "how old?"
me: "she's twenty"
trainer: "means older sister lah"
me: "no, younger"

at night at the entrance to 6ambo9 on the same day:

bouncer: "lu berapa umur?"
me: *stare cock* "huh?"
bouncer: "umur?"
me: "uh, dua puluh *pause* empat lah" (pause, cuz lie about my age too many times already until forgot how old i was)

don't know whether to be happy/proud that people think i'm so much younger than i really am.

i think it's 27 la lazy to count properly.

focus focus focus focus focus

.
.
.

[edit]
counted wrongly.
no lah. was just testing.

no lah actually i forgot what date my flight was -_____-

there are some people that i wish would just stay out of my life, but they never seem to get the hint.

when i go home i hope it always rains heavily at night so goldie will come up and sleep in my room

.. because i live next to sikh ppl.

got attacked by the flu bug. or cold. i dont know. never could tell the diff.
i know my body aches, my nose leaks, and my head feels like a 10pound bowling ball.

luckily (or unluckily?) i'm having a week off for raya.

top: cotton on (men's S) it's really really really really comfy i bought 3 for $10. i might go buy more i just love them. can sleep in it, dress it up, can sleep and wear it the whole day out! (of cuz i don't la. just saying.. might be handy during assignments crunch time. haha)
shorts, beanie: glassons. tip for shopping@glassons: never buy at full price, or even 25% off. i never buy anything more than $14.95 there. which is why, NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER BUY ANY GLASSONS BRANDED THINGS FROM SO-CALLED ONLINE FASHION BOUTIQUES (i think if online 'boutique owners' save on rent, they should pay for their own domains. stop treating blogspot as a shopping mall. at least iron the clothes. gah if u can't alr tell, i detest blogspot markets)
NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER BUY ANY CLOTHES FROM SO-CALLED ONLINE BOUTIQUES WITH OWNERS WHO RECENTLY WENT TO MELBOURNE. haih i get so angry. they rave about the clothes like it's so special and good quality but honestly... they're always like the clothes you find on the clearance racks or Buy 1 Free 1 sections from dunno how many seasons back.
unless, of course, you like paying 300% of the discounted price. honestly.... STOP GETTING RIPPED OFF!!! it's like.. double rip off. cuz all the clothes are made in china, so they're even cheaper than the discounted price.
that was months worth of pent up annoyance haha.
jacket: frenfren@summit. haha. dunno how old. found in #3's cupboard.
socks: sportsgirl.
scarf: spotlight. i think i bought it for $2 a meter. and i bought 1/4m. so... 50cents scarf? hahaha

char kuay teow shirts = the shirt that most coffee shop char kuay teow frying men wear. recognized by their lightness and thinness. back home, can be found in Giant. haha

if ayam layjie to do work, then ask the turkey la .. but don't ask the basted turkey...

(because i said 'ayam layjie to do work')

In the past week, I
went to chingcheng's for lifegroup on Saturday
went to church on Sunday
went to church office for oxygen band practice on Tuesday
went to connie's for ocf band practice on Wednesday
went to arrows for ocf on Friday
went to church office for oxygen on Saturday
went to church on Sunday
went to church office for CAM (creative arts ministry) night on Tuesday
went to church office for church band practice on Thursday

barely 5 months ago I was going to church once a week...

sigh no wonder i'm so tired. how to output with barely any input...

church band is definitely the most stressful and challenging of all. always feel like the weakest link. haha. not funny.

pic from Fathers' Day (takes a while for fathers' day to reach the south -__- )..

smoke machine!! hahaha.. and not one, but TWO drum sets! plus percussions! 2 electric guitarists, 2 acoustics... the man band.

zyrtec makes me drowsy. but it works. but i can't function unless i get 8 hours of sleep.
claritin makes me drowsy after 2 hours. but it works. but i can't fuction unless i get 8 hours of sleep after that 2 hours.
loradine doesn't make me drowsy. it works for like 2 hours. and then, all the symptoms come back again.

so how now?
let my nose irritate the hell outta me? or take and go to sleep and not do anything during the day?

.. when you're about to take a sip out of your cup, only to find an insect (not-so)happily swimming in it

sigh.

sucks more when you're tired, and could really use a drink without having to get up and go get one.

last paper today! yay!

i can't wait to go home!!

airasiaX, i'm counting on you.. pls don't fail me.
here are my travel dates so far:

28 Feb KUL-MEL (rm20 nasi lemak)

19 Jun MEL-KUL (aud7 bruce's rubbed chicken -__- )

18 Jul KUL-MEL (aud7 nasi lemak)

aud7 nasi lemak sounds so much cheaper than rm20 nasi lemak.

so i've got my 2009 flight schedule 3/4 done.

but have yet to confirm my nov flight home.

when's everyone going back? anyone travelling early nov and want to help carry my bags? =D

working hours would be from 12am to 5am .. and 3pm to 6pm ..

because we work best at those hours. and we're less grouchy then.
and we still get to have dinner with the family!

while booking #4's flight back to melb (because airasiax is finally flying there)

#3: you want malaysian or international food?
#4: har? just now i put malaysian because i thought i malaysian so i have to choose malaysian.

mother coming up the stairs: afterwards remind me to off the soup ah.

mother at tv room: why all so ang ang one. (#3, #2, the father all in red)

mother hands bowl of fruits to the father.
#2: 'my, don't forget to turn off the soup.

the things we do to irritate the mother.. heh.

#3: 'my (as in mummy), what's my blood type?
mother: you girls all are A ..
#3: but i thought #4's AB?
mother: oh yeah.

(mother goes on abt A, B, AB )

mother: the two boys are AB.
#3: haha, i tell #4 you call her boy.

this is unbelievably HILARIOUS

i donno if its the dancing, singing, the "dia mau jadi popular" repitition or

the fact that i can recognise all the locations.

or that sri kl's making even more money. while still raising fees.

wonder if the renowned ss15/7A traffic jam will make it onto tv.

10am - alarm rings. snooze.
10.09 - alarm rings. turn off.
12.15 - body clock rings. mind decides to sleep more.
13.00 - turns on hannah montana.
13.25 - another episode of hannah montana.
14.00 - finally get out of bed.
14.30 - go to maybank kk. finally pay overdue electricity bill.
14.45 - lunch with the mother at aeon bkt tinggi.
18.30 - still at aeon bkt tinggi.
20.00 - finally leave bkt tinggi.
20.40 - dinner in front of oprah.
21.00 - get ready to start studying.
21.10 - SOS call from #2.
21.20 - on the way to sri hartamas.
23.00 - finally leave sri hartamas.
23.35 - finally reached home.
0.00 - supper time.
0.30 - study time.
1.00 - family prayer meet.
1.30 - study in front of rachel ray.
2.00 - phone call time.
3.00 - study in front of martha stewart.
4.00 - study in front of olympics highlights.
4.30 - finally finish notes for mbus.
4.35 - hungry. eat 2 sausage buns.
4.50 - write stupid blog post.
5.00 - g'nite.
.
.
.
.
.
9.00 - morning call from the mother.

*** 25/08 - C&I, 26/08 - MBus, 27/08 - DWDS, 28/08 - SDM, 29/08 - EComm
funny, the only subject i'm prepared for is the biz subs .. and to think that i took multimedia to runaway from biz ...

guess what, it's 20.08.2008 .. i bet there'll be many ppl blogging abt this -_____-

it's difficult embracing the dawn of each new day knowing you're AUD2000 in debt.

but you are still God and i am still yours. and i acknowledge that you brought me through the easiest aftermath possible.

you are indescribable

and i am just..... un.be.lieve.able.

going through my messy collection of photos .. and these are the only photos i found from my "me + di melb" collection.

(k la, there were a couple of me + di during moomba .. but that's all.. sigh)

**grammar mistake in title is on purpose ..

ps: whoever can guess what #4's eating in the 2nd pic ... and the significance of the pic.. is a champion. (#4 can remember or not? haha)

this was circulating like more than a year ago, but since there's nothing on tv except advertisements for olympics, and i don't have anything else to say, i guess i'll just put this up.

"How the Beijing 2008 Olympics logo was formed" or, "What happens to the Chinese athletes if they don't deliver"

barely three weeks into semester (3 weeks = 3 x 3 days of classes) and i've already... missed 2 classes, 2 task deadlines, 2 nights of sleep, 2 days of lunches...

i've given up for the night.

and giving in to the flu. i don't even know how to differentiate cold and flu. so i'm not sure which i have.

what am i doing wrong???

if last week was my good week, this week must be my bad.

i left my phone at kitty(i so need a more macho name for him)'s place on tues night.
i got the phone back on thurs early morning.

i've been trying n trying to do my assignment, but it doesn't seem to be progressing.

i actually went for my morning class. and found my tyre flat because of a nail. thankfully the armpit's full of males, and i could take my pick on who to help me. oh, and i left my phone in the apt.

i haven't slept. i don't think i can sleep tonight because got another assignment due tmr. sigh. why do i never learn?

oh, i'm surviving on RM50 this week .. so far managed to survive because mummy packed me a few days worth of food and all i have to do is microwave them. (i know i'm very very privileged)

can this week end already ..

so numb, but it still hurts.

i'll just go drown myself in assignments, so i don't think about it for now.

went to eat durian on monday, and found money by the side of the road. more than enough to pay for a lot of durians! felt a bit guilty at first, because it was such a big sum, but my brother the bible college student says it's ok to keep it. so i started spending it. haha.

the first thing i spent on, was kfc on tuesday. a twister combo, which came with a free mini radio that looked like a very cheapo ipod rip-off. when i reached home, i found no straw, but 2 mini radios.

on wednesday, i bought a packet of mamee. in it, was 3 mamee carts. usually each packet only comes with one.

at these rate, i'll eat more just so i can score more extra (useless) free gifts / find money.

The Basics
Hair Color: blonde

Eye Color: blue

Height: 170cm

Profession: artist

Relationship Status: captured

Religious Views: i don't do religion.

My Favorites
Favorite Color: pink

Favorite Car: mitsubishi lancer

Favorite Movie: raise your voice

Favorite Hobby: exercising

Favorite Song/Singer: miley cyrus

Favorite Book/Author: francine pascal

Favorite School Subject: chemistry

Favorite Vacation Destination: nyc

Favorite Food: real girls eat meat

Favorite Animal: chihuahua

Favorite Childhood Memory: eating durian

Favorite Baby Name: eurick

This or That
Chocolate or Vanilla: durian

Big Mac or Whopper: macbookpro

Facebook or MySpace: facespace

Summer or Winter: marissa cooper

Windows or Mac: MAC MAC MAC MAC

haih this is not even funny. i shall stop here.

this weekend's the first weekend that i've spent with both parents together in a long long time .. (almost 2 months lah!)

the next thing to look forward to is november, when the two cheesters are back.

pa's been travelling (for work) ever since i can remember. and even before. even when mummy laboured bringing this child she loves so much she decided 'no more' into this world, he was away. my first connection with pa was thru a postcard.

digression:
the only (il)logical explanation i can give when ppl ask "are you indonesian?" "your parents indonesian?" "one parent indonesian?" "your grandparents?" is.... when i was born my dad was in indonesia. -________-

anyways, what i'm trying to get at is.. my mummy's a strong woman. in every way. emotionally mentally spiritually, not to mention physically (she pulled out trees from the then jungle of a backyard..)

i remember her re-telling once, of how pa used to say before he leaves for somewhere, "will call you when i get there"

and she would say, "call me if u call me la. so at least if you can't call me, whether can't get to a phone or forget, i won't be anxious worrying whether or not you've reached alr or if something's happened to you"

mummy. always the practical person.

there was a point in telling this story. it was supposed to tie in with what i'm gonna say yet but i realise it doesn't really. haha.

anyway. so, cushion's back home in malaysia. n... yes i miss him, i wish we could spend carefree days together. we've never really, cuz last year i had a really really short break, and during summer holidays it's family first.

but. i'm not lovesick, not moping.... not bored actually. today was the first day of the whole holidays where i 'wasted' my day, sleeping in til 4pm.
the thing is i'm not a call you everyday, spend an entire international calling card proclaiming how my heart aches when it's not beating beside yours (i make myself roll my own eyes at my own self sometimes) kinda girl. the fact is, i'm not clingy. except for the first month or so. but it's just not me. or unless we're at some place with many ppl and i don't know anyone or don't have anyone to talk to.

maybe i've caught on from watching pa&my. it's okay to love, be apart and still live life. life doesn't stop when you're physically not together. bills to pay, things to do, friends to visit... places to shop.. you know.. appreciate the time you have together, but also make the most of the time you're apart. if time already separates you, don't let it take anymore of life! y'know, 'stick it to father time!' or whatever.

the thing is.. i've a feeling it'd be appreciated by a certain special cushion if i was a tad (a LOT) clingier. needier. unable to walk with just my legs.

but i think... i dunno.. it's just not me. it's not me to call and dictate my day's events. a lot of everyday things sound boring over the phone anyway. speaking of which, i've ALways disliked conversing on the phones. i used to be sooooo intrigued by classmates, these "BFFs!!!!" who talk incessantly during class, and then talk over the phone for hours to each other, and then come back to school and talk about talking over the phone for hours to each other. as a person of few verbal words, i was always amazed that they never ran out of things to say!

maybe i'm just not good at real time conversation. i'm pretty much incapable of giving feedback on the spot. i need time to mull over what's been said, think over what i think about it, phrase it nicely, and then probably forget about it. haha.

i just get distracted on the phone. i'd play with my fingers, my toes, toenails, and drift somewhere else, with a song stuck in my head... i'd follow the lines in my room...

anyway.. my question is.. is this independence/non-clingyness, whatever it is, a bad thing? sometimes it seems like it. sometimes i think the best cushion in the world deserves someone who will need the cushion like her security cushion. someone whom cushion won't have to message "what are u doing how come you never msg me =(" ) to and get a reply of "haih why u always say that. its not like u msged me either".

at least i think it's an emotional kind of independence. and not a fear of letting my heart be captured by someone. no i don't think it's that.

as far as my opinion goes, i don't want the coolest cushion in the universe to be moping without me either. you have the opportunity that i would've grabbed with hands feet and mouth, to go home and be with your family. visit friends whom i prob won't get to see in a very very very very very long while. be HOME. make the most of it. wring every experience, roti canai, char kuay teow, satay, etc possible out of the time. don't ever ever ever ever ever take it for granted and say you didnt do anything and were bored.

and because bloggers seem to like to engage their readers in some interactivity, (by saying 'bloggers' i dont generally include myself)

what do you think?

"because i believe it's important to let something go to let it grow" i'm not sure where this is from but it sounds so wise i doubt i came up with it. anyway. just to clarify that, eventho it may sound like i let go of something or said goodbye to something, it's not what i meant. haha. i was referring to like.. a flower can't grow if u keep the seed in your hand. or if u keep a plant in a pot it can only grow to the capacity the pot can take.

this was taken quite long ago. prob the week i arrived in melb earlier this year, when cushion was still in malaysia. i stole the shot while waiting for oncoming traffic to ease so i can turn into prison. (because melb traffic lights are funny like that. green doesn't mean can go)

or actually......... maybe that pic was taken during the day of the windstorm, when i literally had to make the effort to not get blown in the opposite direction of where i wanted to head to. the windstorm that did some major damage to the powergrid that supplies power to prison, and some 200,000 homes. or was it 20,000. haha.

actually. the house opposite and on the right had electricity. haha. which was all the more frustrating. spent 40 days and 40 nights 2 days and 2 nights in the dark, with a buzz lightyear torchlight.

anyways.. my point is.. that was the sky in early fall.

this was the sky in early-mid winter.

because melb's just funny like that.

since #3's been pestering (asked thrice) for bday pics..

these are the attendees. exluding family. lazy to find n resize photo alr.
no excuse to think i've no friends in melb alr.

clockwise from top left, as printed on their plastic cups: birthdaygal, prettybetty, smellytoe, kiwi, oli

better point out the obvious before other ppl can say. (sometimes can turn laughing AT into laughing WITH)

final weekend of holidays. the last week has been really out of routine for me. hung out with 3 uni mates whom i've never met outside of class before, 2 of whom i've never really talked to. had a lunch bbq in the freezing cold on sunday n chatted til 8ish, went to visit the 'cow up a tree' in docklands, and went vintage/op shopping along sydney road.
besides that, stayed over at reg's temp place @ clayton. she moved to ho's alr. was sposed to stay over tonight. but got lazy (read: no money to pump petrol) plus ho's house full also. so just walked (read: petrol tank near empty) along sydney road again.

in other news..
i love Breakfast at Tiffany's!! am now looking for audreyhepburn inspired clothes. =)

funny how when i was younger, i never really bitched about anyone else. but now, i just bitch and bitch and bitch.

maybe i was more tolerant then. or maybe i've just found people whom i can trust to bitch with. or maybe i just can't give a damn anymore, because these annoying people just deserve it.

but at least i'm nice enough to not blog about them .. for now.

"this box is mine ah, i specifically asked for jam donuts"

next thing i know, one of my jam donut is taken out of the box right in front of my eyes.

next day, another goes missing.

sigh. got so many others to choose from, why must they take mine?

now got only one jam donut left.
gotta wait till #4 comes back before i get anymore ..

SIGH.

i moved in yesterday ... but i still don't know what sleeping in this place is like..

because, i never learn .. and i still have to do all nighters to finish my assignments.

but yay, for living so close to college. it's 8.10am and i don't have to rush for class because i'm still early!

oh, it's my first time actually living with ppl other than family.

and i'm writing like this because i'm running on 0 hrs of sleep.
and my assignment still isn't finish yet. hoopla! (eh sister, is this too obvious?)

i will write more when i feel like it.

(say only, last year's one never continued also)

dont forget to sit me at the table during ur party ..
(either doll, or skype)

"so now i carry condoms in my purse"
..
"foreplay is much better than the real thing"

after listening to that, (i wasn't eavesdropping, she was talking damn bloody loud in the toilet ok?) you'd expect a hot chick wouldn't you?

came out .. and saw a girl barely 18 .. jeans that didn't fit well .. and just not that great looking lah.

pfffft. if you're not hot, i don't think you should be bragging about your sex life.

oh did i mention she had a fake accent too? *rolls eyes*

(i've been in such a bitchy mode lately. sigh. this is what happens when all my female companions aren't around to bitch with me)

they say, slow and steady wins the race ..

i say, forget the race. if i start fast, i get to nap.

but the unfortunate thing is .. i never seem to start. sigh

in connection with the 'what if im ridiculed' question from prev entry.

i mentioned the whole 'i need to do something with MEANING' dilemma.

ok.. back up a bit. i've to mention that drives home with #1b are quite unique. as in something i'm not very used to. cuz.. he likes to talk. and talk. unlike #1, 2, 3... usually we just sleep. but #1b likes to talk. and so since i joined the church worship team and we have to go for practices or meetings, we have this car rides to and from the meetings. while it is nice, it's just not natural to me. what more we have this almost a decade difference in age. which makes alot of what he says take on this 'advisory' tone.

but what he said, i found really.. whats the word... aiyah i just tell u.

i said.... i get frustrated when i see artists who just paint, for the sake of displaying in an art gallery. i see no sense in that, i don't understand that.

and he said. why not? arent there lots of artists like that?

i said.. i just don't get it. it's like.. no wonder you're poor and struggling!!

and he said.. what? like van gogh?

i said.. yeah! all the famous artists also only became famous years n years after their deaths! while they were alive they were just ridiculed!

and he said.. well.. maybe that's what matters. not that he was ridiculed but that his works carried on and left a legacy.

what do you think?

maybe this should be called drive home with the brother in MEDICINE. hur hur hur..

do you have this feeling you know the feeling where you feel you have something on your chest but you don't know what to say or how to describe it or even to begin to decipher it?

(i've given up the pretense of 'im so unique noone could possibly be feeling this feeling i'm feeling' it's okay to be similar. it's good to relate. it's great to stand on the shoulders of others)

well it's kinda the way i've been feeling since.... since the last time i wrote anything really meaningful or emotional. which is so far back i can't remember. maybe it was when i wrote "and her heart works overtime crying the tears her eyes won't". which i only fully appreciated how nicely strung together it was when a blog i secretly blogsearch.googled commented on it.

which ties back to what i wanted to say.

i want to write. draw. compose. but with MEANING. the past semester, in one of my courses, TheoryA, our lecturers have been just driving that home again and again and again. design with MEANING. purpose. don't settle to be Eyedroppers. (my words. what they actually said is don't let your job be defined as Picking this colour or that colour)

i've got the message. i believe it. i just don't know what to do with it. i've just this build up of intensity in my heart, it's bordering on belief that i could do awesome things with these stuff. words. pictures. sound.

i just don't know WHAT.

the thing is, i believe it so much, that i am afraid. i am afraid to write this, this or that, because, God forbid, it be enscribed in eternity. if i draw this, it becomes permanent. if i record this, it is a testament of who i am. and what if it does not portray with accuracy? what if i change, and it only reminds me of my shortcomings?

what if i am ridiculed?

what if i thought it was important enough to bring it to physical existence only to discover it was a waste of my effort?

O God why have you given this girl these gifts, are they for the smiles she brings You in her quiet worship or are they to paint your majesty for all to see?

i've this feeling i've suddenly grown up.

belief before emotion. i do not need to feel to believe. but what i do believe in causes me to feel so.

in a couple of hours, my dad will be boarding the plane back to msia.. with half the junk i accumulated in melb.

i guess this is it. i really have to close that chapter of my life. no miracle is going to happen.

i am back for good. or worse?

.. how to be happy.

i don't remember the last time i felt happy.

sure, i laugh. i smile.

but i don't know how to love myself.

i hate it that in order for u to be close to me, i have to push you away.

for the past 4 nights, i've been sleeping at 10-11pm, right after dinner, and waking up at 6-8am, when i remove my contact lenses, and go online. the days feel longer when i wake up earlier. haha.
never felt healthier.

been downloading lots of jm's live sets from a fan messageboard forum thingy, mystupidmouth. and listening to them on my jumbo headphones! so syiok.

anyways, since the parents have been here, we've been on an eating spree. so far ate at mekong, cow&chicken, bigbreakfast@a place on brunswickst, rasa malaya, papa gino's, kimchi grandma.

and yesterday had yumcha/dimsum with mrcushion at westlake.. next time must memorize what stuff we wanna order. the waitress rattles on this long list of menu items... "adsfjksjdfhkdsjfhkladjflskjfh'ha kao' 'siew mai' "... then we go .. 'ah.. ya ya ha kao, siew mai'.. but credit to cushion, who fail less than me. haha.. must find out what 'salad ha' is in proper canto. haha.

haih yea la. that's all i been doing. haha.

1. soya bean. especially commercial ones. NEVER take on an empty stomach.
2. capsicum. now i can justify myself when i pick the capsicums out. i'm not (just) being picky, my stomach can't take capsicums cuz it's one of those foods that make you gassy.
3. coffee. my stomach didn't use to be this sensitive, i used to be able to take certain coffees, but lately even the higher grade ones cause my stomach to churn and generate excessive stomach juice.



taken off a google search on why capsicum causes stomach bloating:

copper-wiki - food intolerance

Symptoms of food intolerance include digestion-related problems like nausea, stomach pain, gas, cramps or bloating, vomiting, heartburn and diarrhea. However, there can be a number of other problems associated with food intolerance that are not directly digestion-related symptoms. If the food we eat is excreted without being properly digested, that means that many useful nutrients are also not absorbed by the body. Thus, many food intolerant peeple do not get utilise the full nutrition from the food they eat. This may lead to many problems linked to deficiencies, such as of essential minerals like iron or calcium — which are manifested as anaemia and osteoporosis respectively — dry skin, fatigue, hair and nail diseases, weight loss, etc.

Many food intolerant people are underweight as they are not able to get full nutrient value from foods. Others can be overweight due to fluid retention — possibly an auto-immune response caused by eating foods that the body reads as poisonous

so how now brown cow?
my body just doesn't want to gain weight.

[02:16] Marianne, #3: jello
[02:16] di, #4: agaragar
[02:17] Marianne, #3: konyaku
[02:17] di, #4: gelatine
[02:17] Marianne, #3: gelato
[02:19] di, #4: paddle pop
[02:19] Marianne, #3: mat kool
[02:19] Marianne, #3: are u gonna say ur friend?
[02:20] di, #4: coolshion
[02:20] di, #4: y ur friend?
[02:20] Marianne, #3: matkool matkool kawanku ..
[02:21] di, #4: ohhh
[02:21] di, #4: haha
[02:21] di, #4: i thot u meant 'mrcool'
[02:21] Marianne, #3: -__-
[02:21] di, #4: so i purposely change it abit
[02:21] di, #4: hahaha
[02:21] di, #4: jason don understand us
[02:22] di, #4: hahhaha

a change from the, "yellow ... bloo .. grin .." convos we used to have

...

my plan:
wednesday - flip book
thursday - three cards, notebook cover, take photos for movie poster, ocf band practice
friday - three cards, drawings
saturday - movie poster
sunday - movie poster
monday - compile everything
tuesday - CANNOT OVERSLEEP

myer stocktake sale tmr =( no money and no time

my stockingirl.com purchase came today! yey.. got my 2 pairs of wool ribbed tights and 1 pair black over the knee socks!! (but the socks don't stay up very well =\ )

one tree hill soundtrack on repeat. prob until season6 starts.

things i don't tell #3:
some days i still wake up and want to go to her room and wake her up to bring me out.
sometimes i can't believe we only spent 3 and a half months in melb together. haih i sound like i'm talking about a breakup. haha.
some nights i wonder why she hasn't come to my room tempting me to eat supper.

tonight i went to the Emergency box that she left me b4 leaving me. and took one of 3 remaining calpico sodas.. in a really pathetic way, i too sayang to drink them cuz it's all i have left from my jiejie. the doctors been pestering me to pack her room up. but i've been putting it off. they don't understand. the mother's coming soon and #3's stuff will prob be boxed up.

but aiyah. too thirsty and too lazy and too cold to go downstairs. better to finish than leave until go bad right.

sighh.. what would i do to bring her back here.. i would... make ribena anytime for her. haha.

.. who had a whole tray of durian all to herself
.. who at 23 (going on 24) still has a mother who prepares sandwiches (with vege on the side so they don't turn brown when you want to eat) for her to eat
.. who says she's hungry, and the whole family (excluding the ones in melb) joins her for supper at the favourite local mamak, and watch her eat while they just have a drink

wake up, burney....
wake up, guy...

why won't you wake up??? =(

once upon a time, when geocities homepages were more popular than blogspot, i read on a site, experiences of golden retriever owners who lost their beloved goldens.. and one of them said something like "there will be the days when you are just filled with sorrow.. and then some days when you think you've healed, you are suddenly overcome by sadness as you remember your loss.. don't be ashamed.. let yourself be caught in the moment, just as it's ok to smile for the happy times, it's ok to let yourself cry for the sad.."

i remembered it 4 years ago, when we mourned burney's death. and it helped me, in a way. especially coming from someone who's experienced the same pain.

i thought there couldn't be a worse way to let your dog die, bringing burney to the vet thinking he was gonna be alright, not knowing he would take his final breaths without us around, having the vet tell us over the phone that his heart stopped but was revived, and then that he passed away soon after.

i remember we were making instant noodles.. but i couldn't eat.

i remember sitting with goldie at their space at the side of the house, waiting for his body to be brought home.

i remember the gardener digging a place for him to lie in under the tree.

i remember him being taken out from the black plastic bag and lain down into his new bed. i stepped inside and kissed his golden forehead. his tongue was slightly sticking out, but other than that he looked like he was just sleeping. we removed his collar. and then the soil covered him.

4 years later...
guy died on wednesday, the 21st of may 2008...

and i can't remember anything.

because i was not there.

i only remember briefly touching his nose thru the gate before leaving, and then hugging goldie and telling her not to die while i'm away.

in a really childish way, i feel as though i said that to the wrong dog, that if i told guy not to die instead, he wouldn't have.

i'm sorry guy.

yet, out of six*, this is the first time we actually are in the same place on our anniversary.

*six unofficially official .. however you want to count. four years in an LDR, of which two and a half years was "it's complicated", half "i need my space", half "he needs his space" .. and the rest somewhere in between "it's complicated" and "i'm committed"

emotions of the past 2 days:

sorrow is knowing your dog died.
regret is not remembering when was the last time you pet him.

joy is having your favourite team win the champions league.

disappointment is when the tukang masak won american idol.

cause of death: unknown. maybe liver or kidney failure. sigh

guy, meet burney..
burney, teach guy to be smart ok?

this will be one of the rare times i let you glimpse into my social life. because i hardly have one.

k fine. maybe i'm exaggerating. having lunch with friends, meeting up outside class, maybe even just doing homework together counts as a social life.

which means my social life began last wednesday.

but anyway.. this is a rare occasion where i went anywhere with my classmates. actually the first time. outside of a school. on a non-school day. excluding graduation last last wk. ( i think saying last last week is less wrong than saying last two weeks )

we've this project called "I see the music", here we have to visually represent a song from a given playlist (read: 782MB worth) so we went on a mini photo shoot. these were taken at Brighton beach:

indo, mee, horng khorng, indo, kucing

we all did the same foundation course last year, the 2 ppl beside me were my classmates. i guess you could say they're my closest friends in school. uni. wtv. close friends as in....
"what to bring/do/buy/submit?"
"crap i'm late for class again/just woke up/can't finish assignment!!!" "me too"
"help me mark attendance.."
aside of school, our lives hardly coincide. they've both got pretty active social lives with their mother tongue speaking friends. (this isnt meant to sound rude, i donno how else to phrase it)

i guess you could say we probably wouldn't have been friends, or good friends, if we didn't do FS last year together. maybe. and they're almost totally different from people i normally hang out with. or used to. but hey.. ppl move on. i should do the same. maybe i'm just becoming more accepting. or culturally aware. haha. they're cool la, they even make fun of other indo/horngkee/malay(SIAN) accents. haha.

anyway.. i love those 2 photos. they have that certain randomness, that "we're BFFs!"-ness. eventho we're not. yet?. just a glance at it evokes happiness. sometimes silliness brings happiness. and then i realise that i'm part of that picture. and i feel a hope that maybe.. close friendship's in the cards for me.

God knows i need it.