are you setupiak?

on sunday i was late for some girls' gettogether thingy and i unknowingly walked into a warzone of hormonal and emotional unstableness. which eventually led to a what's wrong/right in my life sharing. and i feel like i walked into a rain cloud, and walked out just drenched through and through, with the added weight of rainsoaked clothes.

the whole of sunday night and monday all i did was eat and sleep. it might be simply hormonal cuz i woke up with bad cramps sundaynight/mondaymorn. took the day off. but i forced myself out of bed just so the docs wont come home from work and find me still in bed. so i moved to the couch and watched tv semi consciously and dozed. and forced myself up to wash the dishes and defrost some chicken. and then dozed. and then forced myself up when i heard the garage door open and started cooking.

and then after dinner i went to bed. did some mindless surfing half awake. then appeared online on msn for awhile. gave some very short replies along the lines of "well life's tough. deal with it", went offline, and began my 12 episode scrubs marathon. (season 2 end - season 3) and it's pretty pathetic but it made me feel slightly better. i did my laundry, drank coffee, and laughed n cried n wished i had a turk (if i was jd), or a jd (if i was elliot), or turk again (if i was carla).

and then i didnt sleep. i was mindlessly surfing online again, and i just had this urge to buy some clothes. for the weeks that i've been back i've been able to talk myself out of buying clothes. i'd window shop, or try on something, hold on to it, and at the last sec put it back onto the rack. and then i'd console myself by buying cereal (Nut Feast!!!!). but so at 8am i thought. fine. since it's the only thing i feel like doing. so i waited til 930am, got dressed, drank coffee, and walked to catch the tram (oh btw my car tyre got punctured on sunday. it's on the spare tyre now. another story.)

so i took the tram from stop 37 to 26. paid a visit to the salvo's. and then walked to stop 22. by the time i'd finished browsing the shops around there, my 2hr ticket expired.

so i did what anyone (cheapskate) in my position would do. i walked from stop 22 to 37. i spent $15. and got a 5 hr exercise. (it took me 2 hrs and a bit to walk back, including stops on the way).

you wouldn't have done the same???

it was a productive walk. stopped at brunswick bound and fed my drought stricken 'design' mind.

and then i got an unexpected call just as i passed moreland. from the poor recipient of my online sarcasm/bitch, asking what's wrong. n it just knocked me out of my lil short lived reverie, thinking that the walk solved everything, and i just said 'i dunno'. cuz that is the truth. i dont know what's up with me.

'i think you do know.'
'idk'
'is it something u can't talk about?'
'idk. not really. idk. maybe idk cuz i dont want to think about it, and talking about it will make the problem real.'

i don't want to sound emo. i don't want sympathy. i don't want to be a wounded bird needing looking after.

i just want the road to just smoothen itself out so i don't have to make decisions and just walk without thinking.

but it is nice to know someone cares when you weren't looking for it.

"cant hardly wait"

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cramps. didn't go to class. now i have a 4 day weekend.

[edit]
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nah. more than 140 alr.
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since the father has become all internet savvy already by having fb n twitter accounts, i guess maybe now this blog will have more updates since i'll be self-censoring my twitter randomness.

cannot simply post things like, "uh oh, don't know if i can wake up for my early morning class" at 3.30am ..

or things like, "woke up late. skipped class again"

i hate how i'm such a leecher off people's expressions, verbal and facial. i find myself adapting to the person i'm talking to's way of speaking, or if i spend too much time with some particular people, i adopt their speech, gestures, etc.
it's such an annoying habit. especially when u happen to say the same thing at the same time and you know you wouldn't normally have said it before.
or when i find myself in a nervous situation and i sort of select and play a set of expressions i've picked up. and realise when i do a playback that it wasn't me.

at first i do it (speak the same way as the person i'm speaking to does) just to aid conversation comprehension. but then sometimes i feel i go to too far an extreme and lose some form of an identity.

i just pick things up too quickly. maybe it's a product of habitually imitating people? or a cause of it?

i am very aware i talk with a funny accent. especially when in a mixed crowd of people. cuz u don't want to sound fobby, but at the same time don't want to sound pretentious. yknoewhatiissayings..

yknoeeeee??

and when i'm talking/typing to the cheeseters it's a whole new story. it's like all our frustration over ppl's bad engrish comes pouring out n dens vee toks lidiz... do joo geddit hur hur hur.

one day i'll meet my john mayer
and trust me,
it'd be forever.

1. interned
2. quit internship after a month
3. entertained #1 while she was back, including a failed surprise party
4. ward camping for a couple of days (end may/early june)
5. bummed at home while waiting for #4 to get back home
6. bummed at home because got no income so cannot go anywhere
7. bummed at home because don't feel like going anywhere with all that's happening
8. #4 back
9. brought #4 for wisdom teeth surgery. got discount from doc even though he doesn't have GSS
10. more ward camping.
11. postponed #4's 21st because the father wasn't discharged yet.
12. #4's 21st didn't have enough food (because we catered for our stomachs, not monsters)
13. classes resumed.
14. aunties visited. (no, not pms aunty visit)
15. went to kuantan. 6 ppl in a merc. for 3hx2.
16. sent the aunties off.
17. sent #4 off.

in between, lots of house viewings. and clearing the room because potential buyers were coming to see the house.

total airport count for 2 months starting from 27 May:
aljo = 2
eugnian = 2
pa = 2
di = 2
aunts = 3

11 times!

total bank balance:
maybank = RM200
commbank = $40

sigh. with a bank balance like that, things like RM58 man utd ticket also cannot afford. every single thing that costs more than RM10, have to think many many many times, and in the end, just forgo it if can. any dollar ppl offer, i just take it with thick skin face. even if it's my little sister. that's how low i've stooped.