are you setupiak?

the father thinks that it's my fault that when he types long emails, and when it sends, it's blank.

he gets agitated when i can't come up with a reason why.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW????

and then he blames it on spiritual warfare.

yup. just keep bringing on the bad news. i know i should stop blaming everything on this abstract thing called 'life'. but it's the only thing i know that falls short of blaming God.

spamspamspamspamspamspamspamfriedricespamspam

feels like life is all about love or money.

it sucks when you only have either one. until u have neither.

emptiness is the theme for the season.

as is the guilt that comes after. for being ungrateful.

and then the emptiness sinks in again.

lending the qdc for some ocf thingy again. just once i wish someone'd take the initiative and not just fill up to where the petrol level was (or worse, not even reach the level where it was), or bring it back washed.

my thoughts have been taking on some expletive language recently.

i hate being used.

be still my soul and my heart. the time will come for you to dance.

i feel like i am in a time of preparation.

i have this funny feeling of something in the future, with the knowing that it will happen in its time.

sometimes i am so sure. but mostly i laugh and brush it off, thinking what absurdities i'm fooling myself into.

it makes sense though.

laziness is me.
broke is also me.

wasted another night and morning sleeping. photo assgnmt due at 130pm. need to go ask ppl to pose as my 'meaningful person'. another assgnmt due tmr 130pm. sposed to have done it last night so can email for feedback. sigh. cbees.

i dare not write loving letters to my little sister for fear that i will make her cry, and then it will suck more because i am not there to wipe her tears(who am i kidding, if she cry i sure cry one.. but if i cry she don't cry one. stupiak sister) cry with her.

(count the bad grammar!)

i could have done more.
i could have prevented it from happening.

i know it's not entirely my fault, heck, i shouldn't even be blaming myself. but still, there's this nagging feeling that says i should have done more.

the same nagging feeling that questioned, are you sure he can drive?
you replied, yea, yea, he says he'll drive here
the same nagging feeling that asked after an hour and he still hasn't arrived, do you think you should call him to see if he's alright?
you replied, don't worry lah, he's ok one lah, he says he's on his way
the same nagging feeling when we passed by his house, and his car still wasn't home.

now i know better than to believe an intoxicated person.
now i know, that intoxicated people (both also same lah) have bad judgement.

now i know, if people on the phone can't differentiate between me and the kitty, it means they're not fit to drive.

sigh. i could have stopped you, but i didn't. instead, i let him make the decision when he wasn't even thinking straight. i'm sorry.