are you setupiak?

why do ppl demand to borrow things of mine like as if i owe it to them? (let's not even talk abt having stuff returned after being borrowed)

a simple, "Marianne, can i borrow your ______, please?" would have been better than, "Pls bring _______, cuz i want to use it tmr for my own personal gain".

I would even accept, "Marianne, please borrow me your ______" and give you a free lesson on the use of borrow/lend.

(continued ranting, cuz twitter & fb not enough)

and then there's the whole getting stuff back. i have no idea how many phones have disappeared because we've been generous enough to lend them a phone when they needed one. sure, they're not the most high tech phone, and after that these people get phones that are way better, but courtesy is returning them when you're done.

it doesn't get any better when out of the goodness of our heart, we do something nice for you, and then other people say we're showing off.

even worse is, when you lend your car to people, these people do not even have the courtesy of cleaning it up. or filling the petrol tank up, and instead leaving you with an empty tank. or making you go out of the way just to collect what is rightfully yours.

or, when you lend them something, then they just use it and pretend that it's theirs and use it and use it, and you never see it again. and then they pretend, oh, you wanted it back? or oh, i'm sorry, i used it until it's finished. i'll get you another one.

but you don't want another one. you want the one you had, for sentimental reasons. but now it's tarnished.

and all you can do is just rant about it. and when the next person comes along and demands something, you give in anyway. and the cycle continues. stupid marianne.

wow i am so descriptive

where u just sit and wonder what just happened?

spamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspamspam

i'm having trouble reminding myself that it's not 'people's fault that they don't understand the drought that is my bank account. spending $40 a week, $30 of which is spent on feeding the quitedirtycar.

money can't buy happiness but it sure causes plenty of depression for me.

i don't enjoy missing farewell dinners or birthday dinners.
i don't enjoy turning down events.
i don't enjoy putting off collecting my thing(s) because i can't return money i owe.
i don't enjoy asking my older sister for money.

and i definitely don't appreciate your comments on if living away from the city is inconvenient (for you to borrow my car), then i should just ask my dad to rent an apartment in the city. or since i don't pay rent, i shouldn't have to worry about how much i spend. just because i don't spend $450 a week on rent doesn't mean i have $450 credited to my account tqvm.

i'm contented with some areas of my life at the moment. like how i'm no longer wrapped up in fret over relationship statuses, wondering if and why and when. contented with how loss has been filled with much more that could never have been experienced, had there not been a hole to fill. times like these, i look back and appreciate the open palm theory.

life's been so busy. i sit here and wonder i've been really living life. or just one long distraction.

since i started my fb acc, i've had 21 profile pictures. (in 2 years, that's less than 1 a month!)

and out of those 21:

2 are of me and #4
2 are of me and #1,2,4
2 are of me sleeping
2 are of me (and friends) in front of malaysian landmarks
4 are of me staring somewhere else
3 are not me. of which one is a doll that represents me, one is guy the dog, and one is my 'twin'

and NONE with the kitty.
i don't even know why.

.. and then let us down.