are you setupiak?

sometimes i feel like just taking up a mundane job. the more boring the better. the less thinking the better. let my body (preferably just fingers) do the work and let my mind drift away.

maybe i was just chasing a fantasy.

i am not enjoying what i am doing full stop period setupiak dot com.

i am a bundle of hesitation. i do not write i do not draw i do not speak. somewhere along the way to here i began to plug my outlets and i am clogged up.

i am not looking for love. i am not looking for security. i am not looking for excitement.

i just need to BE SOMEBODY.

i'm feeling like such a worn out cliche talking about worn out cliches of feeling like worn out cliches.

you know the one about feeling like noone understands you, you put on a smile that fools everyone?

no i'm not feeling that one. thats a load of crap.
i'm just feeling like a worn out cycle. like i've been here before and i'm back again. going nowhere. that old cliche.

i am not looking for sympathy. or tea.

i am not looking.

one day it will be old news
and noone will remember and when that happens it'll still be in my head
unable to let loose.

some days i feel like the most boring person i know. possibly interesting back in her day. but not today, not anymore. today is one of those days.

what a jumble of nonsense. guess i've pretty much proven my point.

5.30pm, sales was at $X50-ish. my mind said, Dear God, please please please let us have another 2 customers so we can reach $Y00.

5.50pm, start clearing up. remove clothes from the rack.

5.55pm, a group of girls come back. and 2 of them bought (heavily discounted) dresses.

sales passed the $Y00 mark.

simple faith.
yet, the skeptic in me says, coincidence.

.. i miss jew

i scared i spend more than i earn at the bazaar.
nobody to guilt me into not buying things.

nobody to bitch about the stall next door who so lanci must make their rack higher (when akcherly they were the nicest and friendliest sellers to us)

nobody to buy me curly fries.

nobody to draw nice nice things.

nobody to scold.

nobody to hep me carry things.

nobody to do sisterly things with. (like, sit down n eat but don't talk to each other, instead read book and play DS. -_____-)

HAIH.

why did u become so fun to be with only after i left home. and then u left home.

why setupiak dimia no let me be wif my cheesters

WHY MY ENGLAND SO BAD WHEN I USE MY "TALKING TO CHEESTER" VOCABULARY.

epitome of procrastination

i even procrastinate sleeping

and i snooze my alarms for an average of 1 hr.

was trying to get colours to match the next picture. 2 adjustment layers. then got lazy.

can you tell me n my chichak, we got a good thing going on?

p/s: post below was yesterday. it was 27C. this was today. 17C.

only it's not the middle of summer.

so now u know where to go. how are u getting there?

now i know what i need to do. but knowing and doing...